


Smash Bros. oneshot collection: Grocery Shopping

by Meii_Jasmine



Series: Smash Bros oneshot collection [2]
Category: Splatoon, Super Smash Brothers, 光神話 | Kid Icarus (Video Games), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Male Friendship, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 22:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meii_Jasmine/pseuds/Meii_Jasmine
Summary: Simon finds that their fridge was empty, so he asks Alucard and Richter to come with him to the grocery shop in Smash Villa. There, the latter two find a new friend while Simon goes off to shop for his goods, so that he can prepare their meals for the next couple of days. The Belmont household needs its healthy supply of food!(slice of life, Belmont-centric Smash bros. oneshot seriesART and STORY by yours truly)***rated teen ONLY BECAUSE Alucard said "FUCK" else it would have been general audience...





	Smash Bros. oneshot collection: Grocery Shopping

**Grocery Shopping  
**

 

"So we're out of groceries." said Simon to himself as he stood in front of the open fridge.

 

Alucard and Richter were playing in the living room with their game console attached to it. The game was a simulator for the Smash events, so that they can have some sort of virtual reality practice at the tip of their hands. The thing is, Alucard wasn't even a fighter so he was just trying to "train" Richter by playing with him. Richter played as himself; Alucard played as Rosalina and Luma in their black alternate costume.

 

"Ah, ah, AIYAYAYAYAAAAA!!" Richter threw his controller on the ground and celebrated, having won the current match against Alucard. "HAHAHA! HAHA! YOUR MOTH-"

 

"..." Alucard raised a brow at him and challenged him to continue with that insult.

 

"Your moth.... MOTH! YOUR MOTH SMELLS LIKE MOTHBALLS!"

 

"..."

 

"Speaking of mothballs, that's also part of my grocery list." said Simon as he walked in the room. "Perfect timing too. There's a sale in the grocery and I think we can get some more discounts with these coupons I got."

 

"Where did you even get those?" asked Alucard.

 

"I have my ways."

 

"Yeah, Grandpa has always been really good with budgeting from what I heard." said Richter. "Truth be told I only stayed with him when I received the invitation a few weeks ago? And we've grown pretty attached ever since."

 

"Anyway they also provided us a car outside so... let's get to it." Simon went outside, while the boys prepared themselves and their things to go out shopping for groceries.

 

As soon as the young men were done with their business, they met with Simon outside by the garage. Simon was just looking at the car, as he patted its exterior. It wasn't a luxurious car, but a cozy family car just enough for the three of them. He looked back and saw that the two were ready to go inside.

 

"I'll drive." said Alucard, as he hopped on the driver's seat.

 

Richter sat on the backseat just behind Alucard, having learned that the safest spot in the car would have to be right behind the driver. That is because of the driver's instincts to always save himself first in case of an accident. Simon sat on the passenger's seat and made sure the boys had their seatbelts on.

 

"Do you know how to drive?" asked Simon as he turned his head to Alucard.

 

"..." Alucard looked at the car's gears. It wasn't an automatic car after all... it was a manual car. "I've played Mario Kart and Initial D countless times, this shouldn't be hard."

 

"WHAT-"

 

Alucard pressed hard on the gas pedal and it sent them plummeting backwards back into the garage. Simon looked traumatized; Richter was clearly shaken. They fixed themselves up, Alucard had a good dose of Simon's killer gaze, and was sent straight to the passenger's seat. Simon took over and drove for the three of them, and the whole trip was amazingly quiet... save for Simon's choice of music blasting from the car speakers, which was Christian rock.

 

It was only a ten minute drive from their home, and they had finally arrived and they safely parked in the parking lot of the grocery. It seemed rather huge, for a grocery store in an exclusive villa. Then again, the villa was considered rather prestigious, as only the best of the best can actually get invited over to stay and participate in Smash events.

 

They went inside and got their shopping cart, and the two boys, being literal children in men's bodies, went around and looked for whatever sweets or junk food they could find and dunk it in the cart. Simon told them off for putting too many junk food, and told them to put some back in the shelves.

 

"You can only have the smaller pack of ring pops." said Simon. "We can't afford all those! I need to shop for vegetables, toiletries, meat..."

 

"Ooh! Are we having wall meat for dinner?" Richter's eyes gleamed.

 

"Not yet. I need to have it cured in walls for a week." said Simon. "But I'll do that later, so we can eat it next week."

 

"What is it with the taste of walls cured into your meat that appeals to you Belmonts?" Alucard seemed particularly confused.

 

"I don't know, but we love it!" Richter said. "Hey grandpa, could we go around the grocery please? Alucard and I wanna get to explore this place a little more. Please?"

 

"Alright, but make it quick. I could be queueing up for the line sooner than you think." nodded Simon.

 

The two ran off and went around the grocery. They checked it out in more detail; the grocery was indeed very spacious for one in a village, they confirmed. It looked like it was a huge shopping mall in a mainstream city, and the grocery seemed to lead to many food outlets outside. The aisles were numerous, and if one wasn't familiar with the place, one could easily get lost in how tall and long the aisles were.

 

They came across a lobby which made Richter's eyes sparkle. He dashed forward, and Alucard just tailed behind him at a normal walking pace... it was a lobby full of free samples, and Richter definitely had his fill as if he had a buffet out of them.

 

"More... free samples..." Richter smiled.

 

Alucard just sighed at this, and slightly smiled at him. He grabbed his handkerchief and wiped the corner of Richter's mouth with it, which was stained with some sauce from the samples he had from earlier.

 

"You're such a pig." Alucard remarked.

 

"Ah... thanks!" Richter smiled at him, to which he just blushed slightly at. "Hey, wanna see something really neat?"

 

"Hm?"

 

"I was looking at Twitter last night. Look at this post." said Richter as he pointed at a post he had just liked and retweeted.

 

Alucard looked over his shoulder, and Richter lifted the phone screen higher for his taller friend. They had read a short thread summarizing an article, about a secret underground tunnel right beneath their very grocery. Rumour has it that there were ghosts in it. Unfriendly ghosts. Richter grinned up at his friend while waggling his eyebrows.

 

"Looks like a job for a vampire hunter, hm?" he smirked.

 

"Richter, you haven't been in our castle for a long time." Alucard reminded him. "Yesterday, you worried Simon and I over you screaming in your room... because you saw a cockroach."

 

"Yeah, well I-"

 

"Then earlier today, you screamed because a spider went too close to you."

 

"T-That was three hours ago! I'm a new man!" Richter defended himself. "Besides, spiders are scarier than anything I saw in your castle back then."

 

The two argued, until they saw that someone had messaged Richter from his account. It looked like it was Dark Pit, the dark angel the vampire hunter had met from last night. Apparently they now follow each other in social media so they can send messages as they pleased.

 

Dark Pit messaged him, asking him if he had read the article that was going on around their timeline.

 

Alucard just rolled his eyes. "Do you two honestly believe in this horsesh-"

 

"Hey, looks like he's planning to check it out too!" Richter interrupted him. "He told us to meet up by the meat section. There's a door leading downstairs to the ghost corridor! MMM! This sounds good, Allie... I can't blame you if you back down."

 

"Are you an absolute idiot? I'M scared?? Of this? I'm a damphyr?? I grew up with these creatures???"

 

"I didn't say you were scared, I just suggested that you back down."

 

"Well, I-" Alucard growled and crossed his arms. "You. Are. ON. Belmont."

 

Richter knew he could convince Alucard into coming with him with his stupid adventures by teasing him like this, and so they went and met up with Dark Pit. He was in his usual attire, but he wore sunglasses as his "disguise". He slid his glasses as soon as the two met up with him, and eyed Alucard, as if asking the blue vampire hunter who he was.

 

"This is Alucard, my best friend!" Richter patted his taller friend's shoulder. "So what did you find out about this ghost tunnel?"

 

 

"That it's a tunnel and full of ghosts." Dark Pit answered bluntly.

 

"Why ask us of all people to come with you?" Alucard asked, as he has his eyebrow raised.

 

"Richter's the only one who seems interested enough to check it out for himself, rather than just engage in online discourse." said the angel. "And since both of you are here, I figured I'd ask you to check it out with me."

 

"Let me guess, Richter had been posting on his account while we were going shopping." smirked Alucard.

 

Dark Pit only smirked back and showed Richter's posts about his adventures in the grocery, not too long ago. He was pretty updated that it alerted Dark Pit someone was in the same area as him who was also pretty interested in the mystery of the ghost tunnel.

 

"Let's go."

 

They nodded at each other and went inside the employee's door, which was, to their surprise... empty. They checked the time; it was probably lunch break for them, so it was perfect for the three to sneak around til they found a large freezer where the meat was stored.

 

"The entrance has to be here somewhere." said Richter.

 

"I don't want to go in there." said Dark Pit. "Besides, it's not there. But they did say the entrance was near the freezer. I wonder where it is?"

 

"Why do you two believe in this, anyway?" Alucard rolled his eyes. "If it were true, wouldn't it be posted in the news and not in rumour websites? I don't know about you two, but I'm going back. Simon could be waiting for us."

 

"But Alucard! The adventure!" Richter pleaded him.

 

"..."

 

"... You're right, this is dumb." Dark Pit sighed. "I just wanted to come this far to disprove it, but I guess this isn't really worth the painstaking effort of sneaking around."

 

"W-What?"

 

"There IS NO ghost corridor." Dark Pit rolled his eyes.

 

"What do you mean??" Richter looked disappointed.

 

"I wrote that article. I made it all up, but many people believed in it and it was getting on my nerves." Dark Pit rolled his eyes. "It was supposed to be a prank that had gone too far, I just wanted to find concrete evidence, like pictures, that my madeup story was fake."

 

"So you just wanted to disprove your own stories." Alucard raised a brow. "Anyway, this was pointless. I suppose we should just go back to Simon already, he may have queued up by now for the counter."

 

"Well that was disappointing." Richter scratched the back of his head. "But I guess it's for the best. I don't really have my whip right now, and I doubt my phone camera can fight against ghosts by taking pictures of them."

 

They all went out of the employee's area and walked around the grocery. The tall aisles were kind of overwhelming for them, as it almost felt like a maze. The three of them stuck close to each other, and it almost felt to Alucard like he was accompanying two little children out of the kiddie maze.

 

"Uh, do any of you remember what aisle we just passed by?" Alucard asked.

 

"I didn't catch it." Richter shrugged.

 

Alucard raised a brow. "What about you, Dark Pit?"

 

"... Nope."

 

They went on walking, trying to find their way through the aisles that looked so similar. They could have sworn they passed through some same aisles twice, that they couldn't believe they were getting lost in a grocery store.

 

That was when the lights suddenly went out and a lot of people screamed in surprise.

 

Alucard, having advanced eyesight in the dark, was able to see in the shop despite it being dark. However, the same can't be said for the other two, and so the three of them huddled close together.

 

"Richter, hold my hand. Dark Pit, hold Richter's hand. We're going to find the counter together." said Alucard. He grabbed Richter's hand and smiled to himself as he led the other two around the aisles.

 

Richter's phone started ringing, and he had to take the call, so the other two stopped in their tracks as well. The caller was none other than Simon.

 

"Boys, are you okay? I'm already lined up. Where are you?"

 

"Uh... we're in aisle... uh... uhm. Dark Pit, can you read it from here?" Richter squinted his eyes in the darkness, and asked him to look with his own phone light.

 

"I can't." Dark Pit sounded annoyed.

 

"Well, whatever." said Simon. "Just come here quick. It's a horrible day to have a blackout."

 

"Will do, Grandpa! We're on our way."

 

Richter hung up, and then looked back at his other two companions.

 

"We're lost, aren't we?" the angel sighed.

 

"I can't believe we'd get lost in a grocery store, when we've explored castles and uh... whatever YOU'VE explored, Dark Pit." sighed Richter to himself.

 

"Well my castle had a map. We didn't get the map of this place." Alucard argued.

 

They argued among themselves for a while til Alucard had to break it up. They had to find a way to the counter, where Simon was waiting for them. Since the electricity wasn't back on, it only made sense for the queue to be held... that is of course, unless they had backup manual cash registers that didn't require electricity to run.

 

They walked around in what seemed to be forever, until they just sort of gave up and sat on the ground to catch their breath. They each looked at their phone screens and looked distraught.

 

"So... if we die in this place, I want you two to know that you were pretty cool people. You're pretty cool, Dark Pit... and you're my best friend, Alucard." Richter started as he leaned against the shelves in the aisle they were in.

 

"Why are you talking like we're going to die in this non isolated grocery store?" Alucard raised a brow, as he looked at the grocery store map he had just found in his searches in the internet. "See, here's a map. If we follow this-"

 

"If we die here, I have a confession to make. I never learned how to read." Dark Pit whined as he just leaned against a shelf as well.

 

"We just have to- what did you just say?"

 

"There, I said it, okay? I was able to send you messages because I had a text-to-speech function. And my phone tab was stuck on the messages tab. And I was able to 'write' that article as well because of it." Dark Pit growled. "Laugh at me all you want."

 

That was when the lights went back on and many people in the shop rejoiced. They all stood up and blushed, remembering what they were just talking about earlier. Alucard helped Richter up, and he went over to Dark Pit as well to help him up.

 

"Oh! I can see Grandpa from here!" Richter said. "I'm going ahead, I have to let him know we're okay."

 

He sprinted over to the line and gave his grandpa a tackle hug from behind, to which his grandpa was a little annoyed with. Alucard and Dark Pit walked together towards the counter, both quiet for a while. Perhaps that was why Dark Pit was so annoyed with the messages directed at him regarding the story he had made up... he didn't know how to read. And he didn't know just what they were really saying, he just probably tried to guess what they were, out of his own logic.

 

"You know, if you want..." Alucard said. "I could teach you how to read."

 

"I don't need your sympathy."

 

"It's not sympathy. Wouldn't you want to learn how to?" Alucard asked. "If you learn how to, then you could order easier in restaurants. Or outsmart your enemies, if you have them."

 

"..." Dark Pit looked up at him. "You know, it's strange... but I feel a little uh. What's the word?"

 

"Comfortable?"

 

"Yeah, that." said the angel. "It feels like we could deeply relate to something, but I can't put a finger on it."

 

"Is it perhaps, having to deal with a hyperactive fellow like that guy?" Alucard pointed at Richter in the distance.

 

"..." Dark Pit looked at him with wide eyes and nodded. "In fact, I do know someone who looks like he could be his twin."

 

"Ho boy." Alucard chuckled at this. "Well then, that's something we could relate to I guess."

 

They both walked to the counter and met up with Simon. They introduced their new friend to him, and he did nothing but nod. He was still quite awkward socializing, it seems, so the two reassured their new friend that Simon didn't mean to make him feel like he was going to kill him.

 

When they finally paid for their groceries, they offered Dark Pit a ride, but he declined, saying he had somewhere else to go to. They waved him goodbye and they started to drive back to their home. Simon seems to have cooled down a little bit from when they first went to the grocery, but still took control over the car tunes, although they were not in full volume unlike before.

 

"So, boys, where have you gone to when I went shopping?" asked Simon as he drove.

 

"We tried to look for a ghost corridor under the grocery that never existed." Alucard replied.

 

"Oh, so you saw the fake news over in Facebook?"

 

"It got there too??" Richter sounded surprised. "Dark Pit uh... wrote that article. I guess that's why he was so set on disproving his fake story to everyone."

 

"Huh." Simon made a turn with the car and within a few minutes, they were already back at home.

 

The two helped Simon unload the car with groceries and they put all of them on the dining table, so that Simon can sort it out. The other two talked about the events of today, and saw that Dark Pit had messaged them. It seemed that he was using his text-to-speech again just to send it over to Richter's messaging app.

 

"Hey. Thanks for earlier. I really thought you were losers, but you weren't half bad after all."

 

"Thanks." Alucard rolled his eyes as he read it, but didn't reply to the message as he and Richter read it. It looked like Dark Pit was still typing.

 

"I told um. My friend. Pit about you. And I think he wants to meet you soon. Also Alucard, I'm looking forward to those reading lessons. Maybe I can outsmart Pit for once." Dark Pit continued.

 

Alucard chuckled and he asked Richter if he could reply. The other allowed him, and he typed, "I'm looking forward to it as well. - Alucard"

 

They didn't continue their conversations after that, and just helped Simon with the few remaining groceries. Later on, they went back to their own businesses, where the two continued gaming in the living room while Simon stayed in the kitchen to prepare their dinner. But not without playing his favourite game, Candy Crush, while boiling it to soften the meat.

 

"Why didn't you turn into a bat earlier? You know? Echocola... echoloco... uh, SOUND IMAGES, and all that? Wouldn't it have been easier?" asked Richter as he booted up the game console attached to their TV.

 

"My bat form is EMBARRASSING." said Alucard. "I really don't want anyone else to see it."

 

"Why?? It's cute!!" Richter smiled at him and sat beside him while they both waited for the game to start up.

 

A few minutes later, they were finally playing video games with each other once more. Alucard tried to train his friend again, but this time, he tried to use the older Belmont as if a mirror fight so they'd learn how to fight their way around each other.

 

"Oh, by the way." Alucard said, as he remembered something.

 

"Hm?"

 

"That orange girl you told me about last night. Did you give her your number, after all?"

 

"..." Richter gave it some thought. Then he froze and paused the game. "I-I... I was nervous, I lost my mind. I gave her a number..."

 

"...?"

 

"... BUT IT WAS GRANDPA'S."

 

"FUCK."

 

"Did any of you boys give out my number?" Simon came up to them as he leaned against the entrance of the living room, with his phone in his hand. "Someone just gave me a prank call. They hung up as soon as I answered the phone."

 

Richter and Alucard could do nothing but stare at each other nervously, feeling bad for the poor orange Inkling... maybe next time she and Richter can actually have a decent conversation together.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be honest here... I've NEVER played any Kid Icarus games so I'm trying my best to capture their personalities from what I've seen in Smash games and wikis. Please bear with me, I hope you liked this oneshot! I really liked the idea of Richter and Pit getting along... so what about their more serious companions/counterparts, Alucard and Dark Pit?
> 
> More oneshots to come, and more characters to be featured! Poor Inkling girl...


End file.
